November 9th 2023 Journal

Good morning, good afternoon, and good night for those of you who may be reading this at night. I haven’t really been blogging much and not for what you think. A lot of things has been happening over here in my life and I’m not sure how to really handle it. You ever feel like your depression takes over your social life in a way? Like, for example I noticed that I really cannot talk too much on the phone with people because what’s the first thing they ask? how are you? Typically it’s the same thing right, you’re down you are not up to doing anything, your staying in the house etc. and then it almost feels like “tell me something different I’m tired of hearing the same thing over and over again”. You don’t wanna be that person that’s constantly telling people the same thing when you go about your mental illness over and over again. So it’s easier to just stop talking to people that may ask those questions. But I’ve been very hyper focused on my YouTube channel trying to help it grow as much as possible. And of course it is November timeframe so it’s a little hard for me to focus and not think about certain categories in my life. But staying very focused on my YouTube, my videos, and my social media for my business has been a distraction. I don’t know if I would say it’s a good distraction, but it keeps me from spiraling. I do need to find another way to help with that because for one that’s way too much screen time, two it may not be healthy. I’m not too sure, but I know that I need to find other ways of distracting myself. In ways that are healthier and can help me reach goals. Besides my YouTube goals. Talking about YouTube I am very proud of myself. I have 164 subscribers and I’m waiting to hit about 300 before I start my heart-to-heart segment back up. I have a lot of videos already done for them. It’s just a matter of waiting the right time to post it. Some people think that people put things online for attention but sometimes people put things online just to seek support and relations. To connect with people who may understand what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling, how you’re feeling. it’s one of the things that we can never really find in person but we can for sure find it online. Now there is negatives and there’s positives about that. You can find people who are going to make you feel worse or you can find people are going to make you feel better. my point is to find people who may feel alone and what they are experiencing in their lives. A piece of me thinks I will feel a whole lot better once I move out of the city and away from all of my memories. But once again, only time will tell. For now I will have to continue doing what I think is right for me and doing things that have been working and then I can deal with all of the other stuff later. I’m supposed to try to get my vision board ready and done, but that is taking time and effort. However, I do need to prepare for my premier. I’m actually going to do a premier on YouTube. I’m excited about it. I hope to see a lot of people there till then I will continue to work as hard as I can to help as many people as I can. Till then, I will see you guys on my next journal entry. Stay beautiful, stay alive and live like no other.