Good morning everyone it has been a while since I wrote on my blog. The past week has been pretty rough for me. As we get closer to November 1, which is my friend’s birthday, my friend passed away. These days get really hard for me and Depression sets in pretty strong. But I make sure that I have my videos up and I’m still making videos because that is something that is very dear to my heart for many reasons.
Reason number 1: I feel better when I help people and my YouTube channel is something I started to help people. So it makes me feel better, I feel like I am working towards my purpose in life, and if I am not helping other people, then what am I doing with my life.
Reason number 2: I really want my heart-to-heart segment to pick up so that I can add that mental health part to my YouTube channel to help those people as well.
But besides that, I am OK given the circumstances and I am not getting much sleep these days. But Sleep is overrated, That’s my motto. That’s kind of how I handle my insomnia. And when I wake up at 1,2, or 3 o’clock in the morning that is when I do my crafting and make my videos for you guys. And I try to stay positive as much as possible these days.
Let’s get to the nitty-gritty, November 1, is Moran‘s birthday. He would have been 23 years old, yeah 23 years old. I remember telling him that once you turned 21 it’s all fun to legally drink for about a year after that and you get used to it. The only age to look forward to after that is 25. At the age of 25 you could rent a car without having to pay that extra fee for underage rental, then you just think about you getting old after that age. He was so young he was still a kid, but a young man. He hated when people call him a kid he was a man. But since he called me old, I’m going to say kid (I hope you’re laughing up there, Moran) I joined this group for survivors of those people who committed suicide. And it’s so heartbreaking. I have seen and heard of young, young people taking their lives. I think the youngest I saw was 12 years old. We have our babies who are deciding they don’t want to be alive before they’ve even lived. I have a 12-year-old and I could not imagine living a life without her. My heart goes out to all those mothers out there that has suffered from losing their child to suicide, it’s such a scary thought. I understand the pain that people may go through that gives them that thought because I’ve gone through it but what holds me is knowing that my nephew, my kids and my goddaughter are here and get to know me. I can make an impact in their lives.
What we do really can change a person’s life, Moran taught me that. And though I wish I did more I also know that I can live for him. And I think about his mom every day she’s like my mom well I consider her to be my mom Because he was my little brother and all I can do is make sure that I’m here for his family. Truth is it’s for him and it’s for me because they are all a part of him so I get to be with a piece of him.
OK onto something positive I am supposed to be going on a cruise with my family in November. I’m looking forward to it but I’m also scared of it. Large crowd, lots of noise, Lord knows what type of loud noise I’m going to hear. I’m just hoping that I make it a good experience for my family. And I hope I don’t check out and tell my husband to go with the kids and I stay behind. Worst-case scenario I’m gonna bring Annie with me. She is my service dog and she’ll help me get through this. I just have to stay as positive as possible. I also found out that they actually have a program for people with PTSD, ADHD, etc. where they provide you with a little gift basket of some sort that has headphones for loud noises and fidget spinners and things that kind of help keep you grounded, which I think is really nice so I will most likely sign up for that program. Besides, this is my family‘s first cruise, and who else but a more experienced cruise rider can show them a good time? All of this is going on and yet I feel a hint of sadness for myself. But again, like I always say these things take time and it’s a process. I guess I don’t always say that, that’s what people tell me. I am starting to pray, my cousin helps me with that and I find myself saying things like thank God, God willing so that’s one step closer to healing. I just want this whole thing to be over with. I want my life back so much. I want the happy person to come back. But as I try to get closer to my goals as a card maker, and a content creator, I’m hoping that one day I join a design team and honestly that is a huge thing for me. I am fulfilling a dream and what more can I ask for than a fulfilled dream? All these things take time. So let’s get the day started and let’s continue working towards our destiny whatever destiny that may be.
Today’s goal is to look forward don’t look back. You can’t do anything about what has happened but you can’t do something about what is going to happen Move forward. Have a Beautiful day everyone.
