Restarting Life Starts!!!!
This week was not bad but not the best. As I slowly move into being home with out my nephew, I find more time to think and revisit my past. I know that I have to be aware that Morans birthday is coming up and that’s a very sensitive time for me. But I just wonder all the what if questions. Like what if I went to see him before I left work? What if I was to give him a call as soon as I noticed he was missing? What if I was to turn him in to the hospital when he told me his past thoughts? And I feel an overwhelming feeling of guilt. You know I think something else that plays a part is my heart to heart segment in my YouTube channel. I wanted to help people and interact with people on there. But I didn’t account for the fact that I’m just coming up and may not have viewers in the beginning. And though I know I will revisit it, I feel that I have fail Moran again.
Depression creeps up and I immediately go to my craft room and create something beautiful. But I can’t say it takes me away from the depression but it does help me not fall deeper into a depressive state. And I think that’s a win.
On the other end I might be journaling daily as a routine. Tomorrow I start doing things on a schedule and trying to workout. We have a cruise to go to in November and I want to look my absolute best and feel more confident in myself. I want to try and have some type of stability in my life.
I have to beat this thing, I need things to happen in my life. I need to be able to help others, With all the coldness in this world it only takes one person to warm up the room.
We are amazing individuals! Your life matters!
Have a beautiful day